Today is Wise Up Wednesday... let's do this!

Wisdom is a weird old thing; much deeper than knowledge and much more powerful than expertise marked by a degree certificate. Wisdom requires emotional attachment and first-hand experience; to share wisdom, a person has to have walked the walk and talked the talk (apologies for the horrible cliché, but it's true, so deal with it).

Unfortunately, when it comes to Eating Disorders, this is quite a shame – the people who know these horrible illnesses inside out are the ones who have suffered at the hands of them. The only people who completely and utterly understand what it feels like to wake up every day and have every mood and moment dictated by what they weigh or how much they eat are those who have been through it themselves.

The positive side of this is what I'm finally experiencing now and the truth is that I don't ever regret having an Eating Disorder. Sure, I felt ashamed of my behaviours and my web of lies that I span so convincingly to cover up as best I could the tell-tale signs that I was fighting a losing battle. I hated seeing the worried looks permanently worn by my family every time I pushed my food away or slipped away to the toilet after eating and I wish that I had been able to give myself a kick up the bum every time I got 'stuck' on my route to recovery. But you know what? I'm so glad that I now have the understanding that I do, and the determination to use that wisdom. It seems to mean so much more to those who are suffering to hear from those who have been where they are now. That’s exactly why I’m not regretful; not for a second, when I look back over the years I struggled with my Eating Disorders.

If I can help even just one person to see that their future can hold something better than the endless cycle of eating disordered thoughts and behaviours, then I’m happy. Eating Disorders offer so much promise, so much hope, comfort and safety… but really, beneath all that and further down the line the only things they bring are destruction, devastation and (and I’m sorry it’s not another ‘d’) BOREDOM. Calorie counting is boring, weighing out food is boring, binge-shopping is boring, and obsessing over every single morsel of food is boring. Allow yourself to admit it. It doesn’t have to be that way. There is always something else.

This seems all very self-indulgent. I honestly don’t want to come across as being ‘preachy’; I hated that when I was ill. In hospital, they’d invite recovered people in to come and talk to us about how amazing life is now – woo for them. I was cynical, never in a million years believing that I could live or even establish some form of identity without clinging to my eating disorder; it was part of me and made me who I was. You might feel like that now. I may not be able to get this message through to you. But all I can say is that I was that person who refused to see, who failed to believe and who continued to starve and binge and purge. It’s your choice. It’s your life. It’s your future. Go get it.

So, yesterday was Earth Day (Happy Earth Day!), and although I didn’t get outside to celebrate our beautiful planet, I do normally spend a lot of time in close proximity to nature – through hiking, zip lining, camping, etc. I am a huge nature lover, and when I spend time outdoors, and experience the wonder of it all, I always get this feeling about how special it is to be a part of this world. One thing I know for sure is that we have the luxury of living in a gorgeous place here on Earth, and that everything on our planet has it’s own beauty to be discovered – including us, as humans!

I’m not going to get into the logistics of how the planet was formed – whether it was by a big bang, or evolution, or a creator – but you can’t deny that however this place came to be, something was done properly. There are a lot of things about the Earth that I find repulsive at first sight – namely, spiders – but honestly, I have absolutely no reason to think that. When I truly take the time to contemplate and appreciate their existence, such as the gracefulness of their movement and the mechanics involved in spinning a web, I can’t help but to be impressed!

What I’m trying to get at here is obvious, I hope. However this whole planet happened – it happened right. That means that you happened right as well. We all tend to have days where we wish mirrors were illegal so we didn’t have to catch ourselves in them, and we’d rather stay in bed, just like I have an overwhelming urge to smush a spider when I see one. But what I’m asking you to do this week is to seriously think about everything that went into your being. Not the negatives that are easily focused on, but the positive things that make you think “Wow! Seriously? My body can do that?” For example; the acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve some metals, but doesn’t dissolve itself! Anyone who’s learned about hormones and enzymes knows how incredible it is that the body just knows what to do, and anybody who has had to learn a complex pathway like glycolysis knows just how complex bodily functions can be!

Next time you go for a walk, please look around at all of the trees, and the variation that exists among them. There are trees so thin you could wrap a hand around them, trees so thick you couldn’t wrap both arms around them, trees as short as a small child, trees as tall as buildings, trees with green leaves, trees with red leaves, trees with fungal growths, trees with untouched bark, trees that have been pruned back, but continue to grow every single time they are snipped– do you see what I’m getting at here? It doesn’t matter what they look like on the outside, because the fundamental physiological purpose of the tree, to convert carbon dioxide back into oxygen so that we can breath it, will be achieved no matter what the tree looks like outside! (And that bit about the tree being pruned back and continuing to grow proudly, effectively and beautiful is an important metaphor as well!)

Next time you don’t want to look in a mirror, think instead about everything you have to offer to the world that has no correlation to what’s visible on the outside. Your person, your soul, your positivity, your genius, your thoughts, your creativity, your music, your words, your wisdom… those are the “wow factors”. I promise you this: when you came into existence, you came exactly how you were meant to be – because you do have something to offer, just as you are. Trees are sort of a lifeline for us, in the way that they provide oxygen for us to breath – but don’t forget that the opposite is true, and that every breath you release provides carbon dioxide that the trees need. I know I sound incredibly “earth child”-ish here, but that is pretty majestic, and you are a part of it! 

Let this sink in: you are worth an incredible amount (not only to the trees, but) to the rest of humankind. Every single day your actions contribute to the history books, and to the definition of humankind! That is absolutely significant. You are absolutely significant. Embrace that. Don’t forget it. And most of all, never ever let your physical appearance determine your self worth. We all have obstacles - physical and not. Our eating disorders/disordered eating patterns are one of those huge obstacles - but you were made with the power and ability to overcome those obstacles. This week, please focus on embracing and believing that. 


I'll leave you with a line from one of my favorite poems:
“I will not fall in love with your bones and your skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.” – Andre Jordan


Laura xx